One of the subjects that I have been teaching is English 13, which is a university level writing course. One of the first lessons often taught in the course is how academic writing is like entering an existing conversation, you need to know the language, the players, and the game, before contributing anything fruitful to the conversation. When talking about this, we also discuss how academic conversation forwards civil discourse, or, to put more simply, the ability to disagree in an agreeable manner.
One of the questions I asked my students is whether, in real life, or in social media, Filipinos actively engage in civil discourse. The answer for both my classes is, “No”. After thinking about it for a while, I think their answers are true, not only for Filipinos, but for people in general, all around the world.
For example, my students discuss how people are rude and cruel in social media, where ad hominem is the rule, especially when it comes to discussing politics. I remember when this abruptly changed, maybe around 2016, when un-civil discourse became the rule, and being mean and petty and small became extremely popular, both in the Philippines and the USA. The administrations that came into power during that time, namely, Rodrigo Duterte and Donald Trump, exemplify a discourse that can be described in many ways, but can be summed up in one phrase: the discourse of a bully.
Unfortunately, their followers followed suit. Decency, integrity, even a sense of holding back and pausing for a moment, all of these have become old-fashioned and, one might say, going by the way of the Dodo bird. My 13 year old son, who has a wide vocabulary, asked me recently, “What is integrity?” And it took me a long time before I could make him thoroughly understand the concept.
One of the things that I talk about in class is that it is all well and good to practice good speaking and writing skills, but what most people lack is good listening skills. It seems as if people no longer want to listen, in order to genuinely understand where another person is coming from. Instead, many people ask questions, in order to rebut, as if daily conversations should always be combative, when honestly, it doesn’t have to be that way.
One of the things I value most about my husband is that he is an excellent debater. And I value this, not because he is an eloquent speaker, but because he is a top-notch listener. As a debater, you have to allow the pause, while you consider another person’s perspective, even when, at the face of it, you know you disagree with a certain side. This skill, which both my husband and I practice, have helped our marriage more times than I can count. It turns out that debaters often argue, but, if they care about the longevity of their relationship, they have to listen twice as hard as they speak.
Civil discourse can only be done when one wants to genuinely listen. To confront harsh truths, even when they might hurt, or to go against preconceived ideas about the self or one’s beliefs. It can only be done in the spirit of compassion and understanding. It is obviously alien in a space where people try to continually one-up each other, where humiliation and degradation is the name of the game.
In fact, the words we speak becomes the world that we live in. We only have to decide what kind of world we want that to be.
