Hunger
In a world that is determined to become worse every minute, there are times when being internal is sanctuary. I have already written two political things today, and decided not to write a political blog entry. Instead, I explore the experience of hunger.
It is not borne from poverty or want. It is not religious fasting, either. It is because of intermittent fasting, which may be immediately suspect. But, I decided to do it (again) because I felt that my body needed a hard reset. It would also help me towards a healthier weight, which is important, I think, in middle age.
It is not as drastic as what I did around ten years ago, which also eliminated carbs. I simply have an eating window from eight in the morning to five in the afternoon, and try to eat sensibly when I do. It has made me prioritize, for example, eating a carb and a protein before five pm, so that I don’t feel horrible in the hours when I cannot.
It has reintroduced hunger in my palette of daily experiences. Before this, I noticed that I kept eating, even when I was not hungry, and often, in order to fuel my mind when writing and studying. Eating is also a social pastime, and so, one eats, even if one does not feel like doing so. Now, I have learned to socialize with a Coke Zero instead.
There are different kinds of hunger. The one without carbs, while still eating the rest, is the hunger of the mind. One will surely lose weight, but will also lose thinking power. At this point of my career, I need every brain cell, and hence, every healthy carb, that I can get. I know this, not only because of research, but because of personal experience. When I took out carbs around ten years ago, my brain dimmed; I could not remember things as quickly, I had a hard time solving problems, and I knew that I was very much more stupid than my usual.
There is the feeling of starvation. This is something that I felt when I forgot that my window was closing, and I did not eat before my window closed. I felt rather horrible and I knew that I was suffering, but I stuck to it anyway, and so, my hunger was a constant companion, a horrid kind of feeling, created by myself. I would liken it a constant self-pitying groan that is self-induced (for me), and life-induced, in others, a groan that makes it hard to pay attention to anything else.
And then there is the natural hunger one should feel, after not eating for a number of hours. This is something that I had not felt for years.
Living with an eating window such as mine makes you think, not of sensation, but of sensibility. Of course, sugar is delightful, but one should make sure you have enough fiber tucked into your food, so that the food lasts longer in your body, and the sensation of hunger does not become torture. Be more sensible in the choice of your meals, but when the food is there, be very much aware of how food is a blessing, and be thankful, when it comes. Enjoy the bitterness of the ampalaya, as well as the sweetness of the mango, and every sense opens up, embracing the sensation of eating.
I think in the end, what I wanted, was mindfulness.
Be mindful of what you eat. Be mindful of what you think. Cleanse yourself. And be thankful for what you already have.